This post kind of harks back to something I’ve been complaining about for, and it’s an issue that is really starting to concern me. I have some bright kids in my class, and some totally hopeless ones. They both need attention. But plans to take even more money from the Gifted and Talented programme and give it to bright kids from deprived backgrounds (again) seems to show that there is only one group of interest to politicians.

We have so many initiatives and schemes already in place for the kids from deprived backgrounds; special reading groups and measures with one-to-one tutoring. Extra funds and rewards for those pupils who acheive that crucial C grade at English or Maths. We talk about our ‘deprived kids’ in staff meetings, and attend lectures on social mobility. But I can’t remember the last time I heard someone say something about ensuring some our brightest kids achieve the best they can. In fact the general consensus is that they’re likely to get an A or a B, so why bother? They’ll be fine; we’ll hit our league table targets. All is good.

This attitude is failing kids in exactly the same way that we are always accused in the press of failing kids from deprived backgrounds. These bright kids have a certain potential, and we are not pushing them to fulfil it for fear of not doing enough for the less able pupils. It’s like some kind of inverted elitism. When did we stop caring about being the best and just settle with, that’ll do?

Today was not a Good day, for several reasons, but mainly because I had to discipline a teacher, and put them on a monitored teaching scheme to make sure their lessons were up to scratch. I hate doing this; sometimes I just want to go into the classroom, bore the kids with some dry Shakespeare history play and then go home.

But I am the head of English, and I do actually care that our teaching is Good. Yes that’s Good with a capital G. Ofsted Good, as it were. The ‘sted are due any minute now, and the school is going for Good status. I think we should get it, and actually seeing everyone in the school working towards Good status has (dare I say it) ‘raised standards’.

But for the English and Maths departments the pressure is oh so much higher; the big drive now is 5 A-Cs including English and Maths; because these are considered Good GCSEs, so we have to make sure ALL our pupils have the best teaching possible. And, there’s that word again. Good. It’s really quite an arbitrary way to measure something, if you think about it; I mean Kit Kats are Good, beating Arsenal is Good; a lie in is Good. But, can teaching standards and subjects merely be called ‘Good’? And how on earth can you really measure it? I know Ofsted have a criteria, but does it really mean something is actually Good, or is it just their way of judging everyone?

I am concerned about sex education. From a distance, because obviously I’m not involved in delivering it.  Well, I wasn’t until some bright spark thought up SEAL. (Seriously, who names an important bit of legislative agenda after a fat, blubbery sea animal that claps its fins together and makes comedy honking noises? Really, who? I’d like to know.)

No longer is Social, Emotional and Behavioural Learning – or just ‘good manners, decency and respect’  to you and me – to be taught in tutor time, but now it shall be ‘delivered in every lesson’. At RedTape High we actually have a SEAL agenda for our lessons – for every single lesson. 

Sometimes it’s great; it links in with what we’re working on that day and it does give an extra structure to the classroom. The Colour Purple for instance invovled some genuinely inspiring conversations about race and prejudice and perceptions of colour – and the kids, of many different ethnic origins, were really enagaged: SEAL Agenda 1: Race Relations – tick.

And wierdly, Anthony and Cleopatra created some fascinating discussions about gang culture and the importance of your reputation - actually I was being observed that lesson and I have to say I totally nailed it. I was like Teacher Extraodinaire, linking themes, down with the kids, making them think, it was like something our of Dangerous Minds; though I’m not as hot in a skirt as Michelle Pfieffer.

Anyway, am off topic. The point is it works, but as a man, discussing sex with teenage girls, it’s like a black pit of possible disasters, and the guidance I’m getting is about minimal. Alarmingly minimal.

 This article from the TES, which I finally got round to reading in yesterdays staff meeting, is quite interesting – though as usual it does annoy me when the papers ‘report’ on something revolutionary with bold type and a big headline, which is merely a repetition of complaints heard in staffrooms up and down the country for years.

Frank Furedi, who often lectures on education, says our fear of kids being bored is leading to over-innovation – i.e everytime results aren’t what the government hoped for some overpaid bright spark says that pupils aren’t motivated anymore and we must therefore have ‘more innovative and dynamic lessons to really get them engaged’. We must develop several new IT programmes to help with this innovation, draw up a list of targets to aim for and put together some sort of quango to ‘drive this agenda’.

Problem is, this is now happening almost daily. My pupils are so overstimulated they now start shaking if there’s more than a ten second silence; which means my Monday morning solution of ‘quiet reading on your own while I try to deal with this epic hangover’ is tragically a thing of the past. Leaving me attempting to motivate and inspire a group of hormonal, over-hyped teenagers while juggling a sore head and alarmingly blurry vision. Perhaps we’re all just too over stimulated now?

These are without doubt exciting times. And you can feel the buzz all around the corridors at school. (Though there’s a good chance that might have more to do with some bad taste gossip concerning a certain physics teacher and his recently revealed predilection for recreating medieval battles in full traditional garb. I think a pupil even has a questioanable photo that seems to circulating via some form of social media…)

Aaaanyway, the scandal of the century that is consuming my every waking thought is whether i’d prefer things to be ConDem or LibLab. We’ve been discussing in class what the benefits for the school would be of each alliance, and I’m impressed at how well-informed some of my pupils are. Or rather, how sensibly they just want a government who is ‘going to give us lots of cash, Sir. Innit.’

Wise children indeed. Though I am still unclear on which marriage of evils would be best for us.

Pupil Premiums: No one has had the guts to say they don’t support this, but the details are hazy at best. LibLab would seem to be clearer on this, putting a specific sum of money into reducing class sizes and giving the power to headteachers. A ConDem option would merely focus on disadvanataged kids, which is vague at best.

Parental Involvement: You already know my views on this; and the ConDems would seem to support it, where LibLab would seem to be focusing more on closing special measures schools and starting Academies.

 Curriculum: LibLab plans for exams and an amended curriculum seems to be focused on making things easier, with a series of vocational subjects taking over. A ConDem plan would see us having more control over what we teach, and how we teach it, even offering international exams. That sounds pretty good to me.

University: Hard to see where the ConDems could reach a compromise here, with Cameron wanting to 10,000 more uni places available and Clegg wanting to scrap the 50% target for people attending uni. However, with Labour wanting 75% to go to uni, the LibDems may actually find more common ground with the Tories.

Bottom line, is that whatever we get will be markedly different to what we all thought we were voting for – which begs the question that has dogged discussions thus far. How can electoral reform not be considered a crucial part of any new government’s decisions when this hung parliament has left us with leaders and policies that bear no resemblance to what we hung our hopes (or resignation) on?

I was late for my first class this morning, and when I got there I wasn’t exactly in a state to teach either. I didn’t have any handouts, and seriously, how can one possibly teach these days, without a handout? Thank god for the whiteboard; without it, and a motivational video that ran for half the lesson, I might have actually had to talk to the kids. Jeez.

Honestly, how can a school for 1000 pupils have only one photocopier? I have been trying to copy two pages from a book for my class for over a week. I made sure I left enough time to get it done, and have queued at the copier for an hour on Friday, but it breaks, always breaks. Or someone else had to copy the entire bible so then it ran out of ink, or the paper delivery hadn’t come, or the queue was filled with more important copying needs than mine (as usual). Or, as today’s excuse was, Joan in the office hadn’t had her coffee yet and therefore we weren’t allowed to disrupt her morning perusal of The Sun with the sounds of copying. Yes, of course, your the peace and quiet  is SO much more important than actually teaching the young minds of today. Way to go, Joan.

The government – whoever that ends up being – has been promising to reduce the ‘administrative burden’ they place on teachers for years. Increases in support and admin staff are meant to have eased the workload, and technology is supposed to have made it easier to do everything. But the situation hasn’t really changed. Sure, I print what I can off the internet, I use TES.com, and teachable,net and even teachernet.gov.uk, but then half the time the printer breaks as well.

I sometimes miss the days of blackboards, and chalk and simple exercises that got the kids motivated. And yet there’s so much potential out there, amazing resources that make lessons fun, and help the children to learn at a different pace – but actually getting access to them, and being able to use them in your classroom? Bloody hopeless.

So Election 2010 continues with the posturing and mud slinging between different political parties in full swing. As always it is education and healthcare that seem to get the majority of the attention, I just hope this time that someone starts to come up with solutions for the chronic problem of league tables. A blight that is massively failing a generation of learners.

League tables are causing schools to only concentrate on struggling pupils, or to simply make sure everyone passes. We’ve already seen that some schools are entering students in what they consider ‘easy’ subjects to ensure they get good grades; and I know from several colleagues that the pressure in our school is to focus on ‘borderline’ pupils to make sure they get their vital C grade, and not to worry about moving some of the brighter kids from a B to an A.

High aspirations are entirely gone, teaching today seems to be about being average and doing the minimum – everything is ab0ut league tables. We  have endless meeting about them, are shown spread sheets with targets and projected outcomes on. Teachers are being singled out for praise when everyone in their class is getting a C. This is not teaching, it’s target hitting.

Whoever gets voted in on 6th May needs address this problem, as much as they do any other, and yet it seems from all their manifestos that it will just be the same old same old.

So the Blues, the Reds and the Yellows have had their say, they’ve pontificated about standards and change and laid our their Manifestos of the Mostest. But what do they really say?

Having finally spent the holidays having a look at the three main options – because, really, that’s all there is – a few things strike me:

• They are all really similar, especially Labour and the Tories, one of whom must have definitely copied off the other in the manifesto exam.
• Academies, despite what everyone says, are here to stay in some form or another - whoever you vote for (though make sure it’s not the Lib Dems because ‘Sponsor Managed Schools’, sounds rather scary, and alarmingly vague)
• Labour have promised to protect budgets from spending cuts, but they’ve not said how, and I’d like to know being as they haven’t managed to do this so far.
• The old problem of how you really establish what is ‘Good’ is raising its ugly head again, especially if teachers are to be paid more if they’re Good, under the Tories. I just think this will lead to lots of teachers trying to hit ‘good’ targets (which are arbitrary at best anyway), without actually teaching.
• I am very concerned about Labour’s plans to have parents ‘initiate change’ at schools. How, when, why? When most of them can’t be bothered to feed or discipline their kids, why on earth do they get a say in how I do my job?
• How, and in what way, is the Education Standards Authority any different from Ofsted?

Overall, it just reeks of more of the same – which means they seem to think things are ok with education. Which they are categorically not.

Today’s image is from: i.thisislondon.co.uk

After Rosie’s post on another dose of health and safety insanity, and the subsequent comments from teachers about how common sense has long since deserted the classroom, I thought it would be prudent to share this little gem that someone forwarded to me recently; a supposeduly genuine obituary for Common Sense…

“Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well -intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.  It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason….

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.”

Amazing really that at least half of the decline of Common Sense is atrributed to the recurrent instances of woeful idiocy that litter our schools. Amazing, but not suprising.

Today’s image is from spring.org.uk

This made me laugh. A school consultant went into a school and asked the staff to list the schools rules. Not one of them could. This was partly because there were nearly 40 of them. It was also because everyone knows that there are two types of school rules. The ones written down in the school handbook. And the ones you personally make up for your classroom (and own personal survival).

For instance:

• All girls called Amber are brats; do not ever give them homework extensions, because they’ll take advantage and you’ll have to fail them. And then their mothers will come in and tell you you know nothing about teaching. (This has happened a total of three times now).
• Also be wary of Vickis, Dillons, Leons and Louises….
• Opening all the windows in the middle of winter is the only way to get the attention of the tramps girls who sit at the back of the class, ignoring you and painting their nails.
• Trying to discuss football with your class will only make you look stupid. Colin Firth might have managed it in Fever Pitch. But he’s not real.
• If you have spent a lot of time putting together a great whiteboard presentation, it will break and die at the crucial moment. Always have paper back ups. Always.