• Started a club on dealing with bullying (Stay Safe)
• Cleared, planted and maintained a veggie patch  for the canteen (Be healthy)
• Opened and run a school bank for a week (Economic Wellbeing)
• Started extra reading with the less able kids (Enjoy and Achieve)
• Gone out with the older kids in the snow to sweep the driveways of the elderly. (Make a positive contribution)

And my reward? Being made Director of ECM for the entire school. “We’ve made a good start with ECM, and I know Rosie will really be able to make it a reality,” said the head. What the hell was it before? A rehearsal?

So you would hope now that all our pupils are safe, healthy, financially secure, full of wellbeing and full of joyful achievement. They might well be; I don’t know anymore because the sheer effort means I now need some sort of government sanctioned intervention.

How would it go?

“Every Teacher Matters: A Vision for Elite Teaching”

Be Healthy: Every teacher has the right to have time to eat their lunch without being interrupted by visits from parents, or ad hoc checks from the head.

Stay Safe: Every teacher has the right not to be kicked, tripped, attacked with paper balls or sworn at. They should also be protected from the irate caretaker at all times.

Enjoy and Achieve: Teachers should not be made to see spots of white rage before 1oam; teaching should involve pleasurable things, like time away from the pupils, hours of silence and achieveable goals, such as getting home on time.

Make a positive contribution:  Teachers shouldn’t have so much pressure. Any contribution will do, however small. Give someone an A. Tell their parents they’re doing well at physics. Lie if you have to. But don’t sweat it.

Economic wellbeing: Bonuses should be paid for every child that doesn ‘t end up illiterate, pregnant or in jail. Golden hanshakes sound nice too.