There are few things more irritating in the world than answering the question “Sir, are we nearly there, yet?” for the hundred-millionth time on a school trip. I can’t imagine how the teachers and students stuck at airports because of the ash cloud were feeling last week.

I’m sure the Geography teachers out there had a great time explaining the real-life application of their subject. After a few days of vulcanology (as in volcanoes, not Star Trek) lectures, though, I’m sure even they would run out of things to say.

An article in the Guardian mentioned some interesting solutions including assemblies via webcam, e-mailing lessons to the students or even online tutorials. I think it’s great that teachers and schools have come up with such creative solutions. and maybe in the future these ideas could be developed into a support network for students who have to miss a large chunk of school for another reason, such as hospitalisation.

I hope everyone affected by this will be able to get back to normal as soon as possible. If you were stuck waiting in an airport (or are still there), please share your story with us by leaving a comment.

Two days in, and I miss the kids. What a tragedy. But it’s true. I’d take their bickering, pointless chatter about their supposed sex lives and always inventive homework excuses over the debate that is now raging downstairs between my wife and my mother about who deserves a Christmas Number One, out of Angelic Faced Jo, Rage against the Machine, and SuBo. To demonstrate how little I care about this debate let me share this gem with you. Until about five minutes ago I thought SuBo was a black rapper from Peckham who grabbed his crotch a lot. No, in fact he is actually a generally unattractive Scottish woman with odd hair and a moustache. Christ, really, you chose this circus to be celebrate your birthday? Why?

So, the ‘top’ Christmas presents from my pupils this year include:

1) A Waitrose Christmas Hamper – amazing present, am eating my way through the mince pies rather well.

2) 35 different coloured pencils….in a High School Musical Tin

3) A set of stamps chronicling the locomotive history of England, address to Mr Wilson. (I have swapped these with Mr Wilson who was given a pink, glittery scarf by the same child. I think he wanted to keep the scarf, actually.)

4) A bottle of wine – I love this child.

5) A book on summer flowers, which had written on the inside cover: “Dearest Mary, lots of love on your birthday, From Auntie Sally.” (Don’t you just love recycled presents.)

Still, it’s the first day of the Christmas holidays and I am full of festive cheer! Happy Christmas readers.