Save me from self; please someone. Save me. Today I was subjected to a half an hour diatribe about the benefits of banning mobile phones – by the head of technology. Words fail me. They still do. It’s just a bloody phone, it’s not a bomb, or a knife, or a gun. They can’t get high on it, or use it to take someone’s eye out, they can’t really actually use it cheat in exams. In fact it’s quite good at entertaining them with mindless computer games during breaks, which saves my ears from the constant playground screaming and yelling we used to endure, before technology woke the hell up and saved us all.

 And now, Mr Technology himself has suggested that we need to take them away from the pupils. Clever, really clever, and forward thinking. Great.