This made me laugh. A school consultant went into a school and asked the staff to list the schools rules. Not one of them could. This was partly because there were nearly 40 of them. It was also because everyone knows that there are two types of school rules. The ones written down in the school handbook. And the ones you personally make up for your classroom (and own personal survival).

For instance:

• All girls called Amber are brats; do not ever give them homework extensions, because they’ll take advantage and you’ll have to fail them. And then their mothers will come in and tell you you know nothing about teaching. (This has happened a total of three times now).
• Also be wary of Vickis, Dillons, Leons and Louises….
• Opening all the windows in the middle of winter is the only way to get the attention of the tramps girls who sit at the back of the class, ignoring you and painting their nails.
• Trying to discuss football with your class will only make you look stupid. Colin Firth might have managed it in Fever Pitch. But he’s not real.
• If you have spent a lot of time putting together a great whiteboard presentation, it will break and die at the crucial moment. Always have paper back ups. Always.